Misadventure in Mexico
by NCISVU
Summary: Tony sets out to achieve one of the items on his bucket list. A total crack fic I came up with a couple nights ago when I was high on caffeine. Tony/Gibbs/Mike. Not slash. Hopefully humorous. One shot.


**Misadventure in Mexico**

"Ugh!" Tony groaned loudly.

"What's your problem?" Gibbs asked.

"What's my problem?" Tony repeated. "What's my problem? My problem is I'm stuck on a freaking beach in Mexico with two dudes, eating fish for breakfast, lunch and dinner, not a babe in sight, no TV, no internet, no nothing!" The young agent was all but yelling by the time he finished.

"You're the one that begged to tag along with me, DiNozzo," Gibbs said calmly, as he reclined in his chair letting the sun soak into his skin. "Why don't you take all that pent up energy and find something productive to do?"

"Like what?" Tony asked incredulously. In his eyes there was nothing productive to do; in fact, there was nothing at all to do.

"You don't want to eat fish, get out there and catch something else," Gibbs said motioning towards the ocean with his head. "You want to meet some girls, get in the truck and head down to the cantina—"

"Truck won't start," Tony complained. "I already tried that."

"Tough break," Gibbs said taking a sip of his beer before closing his eyes and resting his head against the back of his chair.

Tony looked at Gibbs and Mike and realized neither of them were going to provide any entertainment for him so he stormed off the porch with a huff.

Gibbs peeked over at Mike and the two men shared a quiet laugh. They were content to relax in the sun with a cold beer but Tony had had enough relaxing. He was beyond bored and a bored Tony was never a good thing. Neither Gibbs nor Mike thought he could get into any trouble on the nearly abandoned beach so they both closed their eyes and zoned out again.

Tony wandered down the beach, stewing over his misfortune, lecturing himself for begging to come along. Originally he'd thought a week away would be fun and relaxing. Gibbs had warned him he was going to get bored and he ended up being right, just as he usually was. Tony decided that eventually he was going to have to start listening to the older man's wisdom.

He found a couple coconuts lying on the beach near a palm tree. He picked one of them up and threw it as hard as he could at the tree. He grumbled when the coconut sailed right past, missing it completely. He picked up another and missed again. He picked up the third one, moved closer to the tree and threw it with all his force. The coconut connected with the tree but instead of breaking open, it was deflected back in Tony's direction. The young agent just barely got out of the way before the fruit nearly connected with his shin. He decided throwing coconuts at palm trees might not be such a good idea after all and continued on down the beach.

When he reached the end of the cove he flopped down on the beach and stared out at the ocean. He was mindlessly tossing sea shells into the water when something caught his eye. He stood, walked several feet into the water and looked closer.

"Oh yes! Number four on my bucket list—prepare to be conquered!" he declared bravely.

Tony hurried back to Mike's house and retrieved the oversized goggles he been snorkeling with for the past several days. He headed into the ocean as he pulled them onto his face. He walked out until the water was up to the middle of his chest and bent over, sticking his face in the water. After a minute he stood upright, walked a couple feet then put his face in the water again.

Mike sat up in his chair and watched Tony for a minute. "The hell is DiNozzo doing?" he asked.

Gibbs looked out towards his agent and watched as he walked around in the water, sticking his face in every couple minutes. "I have no idea," he answered, taking a sip of his ice cold beer.

Mike and Gibbs continued to watch as Tony got farther and farther away from them. Neither had any idea what he was up to but they were both officially curious.

"Maybe he lost something," Mike suggested.

"Mm-mm, the only thing he had were his swim trunks and he's still wearing those," Gibbs said.

They watched until he was so far down the beach they couldn't tell what he was doing anymore then shrugged it off and went back to their afternoon siesta.

Tony froze and stared directly into the crystal clear water beside him. There, wedged under a large rock protruding from the ocean floor, was a small shark and he was determined to catch it, not only to mark off an item on his bucket list but also to prove his worth to Gibbs and Mike. He stood perfectly still, trying to figure out the best way to catch it.

_What kind of idiot goes shark hunting without a spear, Anthony,_ he scolded himself, _and of course I don't have my sidearm. That would be too easy but not very fair for the shark. _He decided that even if he'd had his gun, he didn't want to take the easy way out. It would feel too much like cheating. He contemplated trying to wrestle with the shark. It wasn't very big, two, two and a half feet long at the most. He thought about tackling it or punching and kicking it. He had a few options but knew he only had one chance to capture the creature.

He decided to grab it by the tail and pull it out from the under the rock then play things by ear depending on what the shark did. With it being wedged, he felt like that was his best option. He counted to five and took a deep breath to calm his nerves then prepared himself to hit, kick or wrestle with it. He took a deep breath then went underwater and grabbed it. He wasn't sure who was more surprised when he pulled it out of its hiding place, him or the shark.

The shark quickly tried to swim away but Tony held firm. When it realized it was trapped, the shark spun around and sunk its teeth into Tony's forearm. Tony shot to the surface of the water and yelped.

Mike and Gibbs opened their eyes and looked down the beach but Tony was too far away for them to be able to tell what was going on. "If he got stung by a jellyfish, you're peeing on him, Probie," Mike said. "He's your kid." Gibbs just laughed as he closed his eyes once again.

Tony looked down at the shark with its teeth sunk firmly into his arm and didn't have a clue what to do. The shark wasn't budging. It seemed the only way to get it off was to let the creature take a large chunk of his forearm with it.

"Look," he told the shark, "I'll make you a deal. If you let me go, I'll let you go." He growled when the animal ignored him. At that point pride was keeping him from returning to the beach house and seeking help. He knew he'd never hear the end of it if Mike and Gibbs found out what had happened. He hoped to be able to escape with his pride intact.

Tony waded around in the water, wondering if he could wait the shark out. "You can't hang on forever," he told it. He had a loose grip on its tail, trying to maintain some control in case it started thrashing around but beyond that he felt completely out of control and a bit helpless.

After several minutes passed and the shark still hadn't budged, Tony started slowly making his way back towards the house. He was still a couple hundred feet away and his arm with the shark attached was still in the water so he was confident neither Gibbs nor Mike could see what was going on but he was beginning to realize he might need help. At that point his arm was much more important to him than his pride.

"If I have to take you up on that beach with Gibbs and Franks, there's no way you're coming out of this alive," Tony told the shark in a last ditch effort to free his arm. As he approached the beach, he realized the two men were still resting with their eyes closed, seemingly oblivious to his situation. He looked towards the heavens and started whispering prayers, attempting to bargain with God but the shark still wasn't moving.

Tony looked up at Mike and Gibbs then back at the shark. He was only a handful of steps from the house. "Alright," he told the shark, knowing he'd been defeated, "but don't say I didn't warn you." He swallowed his pride and walked up to the house with the shark still firmly attached to his arm. He was beginning to wonder if the creature was going to be a permanent fixture. Neither Mike nor Gibbs opened their eyes as he slowly approached.

"You're in my sunlight, Anthony," Gibbs said.

"Boss, I um, I think I might need a little help here," Tony stuttered.

Gibbs opened his eyes and did a double take. He laughed as he looked from the shark up to Tony. "Tony, only you could manage something like that."

Mike glanced over at Tony and couldn't believe his eyes. In all his years he'd never seen anything like it. "Well, well, well, look what the shark dragged in," he teased with a laugh.

"I caught dinner," Tony said halfheartedly.

"It looks more like dinner caught you!" Mike said laughing even harder.

"Funny," Tony said clearly not amused. "How do I get it off?"

"Stay there," Gibbs said as he stood, "I'll be right back." He retrieved the handheld sledge hammer from under the porch and killed the shark with one firm hit directly to the top of its head. After it was dead, Gibbs pried the shark's mouth off of Tony's arm and passed it over to Mike while he assessed the damage to Tony's arm.

"Move your fingers for me," he instructed while he held Tony's arm outright. He was relieved when Tony still had full function of all his fingers. He knew that meant there was no major damage to his muscles or tendons. As far as he could tell there were no broken bones or any other severe damage. The whole situation was definitely funnier knowing Tony hadn't been hurt beyond the gruesome set of teeth marks encircling his forearm.

He handed Tony his beer to finish off while he retrieved the bottle of rubbing alcohol from Mike's medicine cabinet and a washcloth. Tony sat down at the picnic table and hunched his back, wishing he could disappear. That wasn't quite how he expected his afternoon adventure to turn out.

"This is probably going to sting a little," Gibbs said pouring a fair amount of the solution onto the washcloth. Tony flinched and squeezed his eyes shut as Gibbs rubbed the washcloth over the open punctures on his very sore arm.

"Are you torturing me on purpose, Boss?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"I'm doing this to make sure you don't lose that arm," Gibbs said.

"Thank you, Boss," Tony grumbled. He waited while Gibbs thoroughly but painfully cleaned his arm up. "Do the others have to know about this?" he asked.

"DiNozzo, you should know me well enough by now to know that I don't participate in the office gossip," Gibbs said as he finished cleaning his agent's arm up.

"Thank you, Boss," Tony said, thankful when Gibbs screwed the lid back onto the bottle of rubbing alcohol and tossed the washcloth aside.

"Although I'm not sure how you're going to hide that set of teeth marks in your arm," Gibbs added with a smirk. Tony's face fell until he realized he could tell just about any heroic tale he could come up with to explain the gruesome injury.

"You know, DiNozzo," Mike said as he butchered their dinner, "you're alright! Today you've provided dinner and entertainment! You're welcome back on my beach anytime."

"Ha ha," Tony said unenthusiastically, "glad I could be of service. By the way, I get the biggest shark steak. I think I've earned it."


End file.
